so my parents are both in sydney tonight. meaning i have the house to myself. 

i think i’m going to go and watch eurovision and drink vodka. seems like a good plan.

#BITCHES BE JEALOUS

successful shopping trip with alyssa (for her rebellious act).

now dance moms and painting my nails time before work.

how do I stop this? I want out. how do I get out?

I’m really not coping anymore guys.

when did I turn into this?

how do I make this pain stop?

so exhausted and tired from having a breakdown tonight. heading to bed. 

a couple of things

• Caity is gone back to Brisbane and I already miss her
• John didn’t give me cuddles like he promised today at work
• Went to Sydney for dinner with the (Asian half of) family
• Ate way too much even though I completely accounted for it today
• I’ve got a really long day at uni tomorrow
• 90% decided that I’m going to go to John’s tomorrow night for snuggles
• Have to still work out logistics and whether I come home and shower after touch footy and then go back out or shower at his (like would that be weird?! I think it would a bit but he said I could) 

friday’s are my fav because i get a new episode of glee, grey’s, vampire diaries and community. 

also today was tops because of my love Caity xx

i wish i was the pretty skinny type of girl that their friends used when they had to do an art project or photoshoot for an assignment. but my creys bc i’m too fat and ugly for that.

you calling me sexy, beautiful, gorgeous, cute and telling me how much you wish i was in your arms and spooning with you etc is amazing don’t get me wrong. but i really don’t want the inevitable to happen.

i can’t help but wonder how long it’ll take until you get sick of me. you get bored of me and start to see all my flaws and everything messed up with me. how long do i have left of you being infatuated with me. i don’t want it to end. and i’m scared because each time that someone leaves and gets over me, it etches a mark that never really goes away.

want to eat my hollowness but also want to restrict. Ahhhhhh

usually i don’t feel this shit until the evenings. but great now it’s starting in the morning. i can’t do this for much longer. 

just bailed on going into uni for anatomy study in the labs, now i get to lay in bed for a couple of extra hours in self-hatred.